After a much failed and ineffective weekend of sitting behind the laptop, watching movies and dramas online, eating A LOT of egg rolls, I am now starting a 100 days challenge for health and fitness.

One of the Taiwanese drama I started watching was called “Material Queen.” The song, Is Is This All with Van Ness Wu (the main actor) featuring Ryan Tedder (from OneRepublic) has been addictive and very inspiring. These two lines really got me thinking:

“Is this all I’ve been waiting for
Is this all I’ve been searching for”

I ask myself those questions. I have lived my life a certain way for a purpose. Now, do I stop here? Is this all? I’m guilty. Guilty. Guilty. 

I should’ve loss these last 10lbs a few months ago; it was very possible and safe. I could’ve done so much more with all the free time since I went part-time. And now it’s the would’ve done this instead. I try to not live in the past and a life full of regrets but lately it has been catching up with me. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I am being hard on myself and beating myself up by being all negative. It’s the fact that I haven’t been hard on myself and applying what I do know. I am capable. I am able. I am victorious and have not loss any wars; I have a winning record.

As I was gathering myself to prepare for this challenge, it hit me! I was the most successful at losing weight, being healthy and exercising when I was keeping track of it. For a writer, there is nothing more scary and dreadful than writer’s block; it’s comparable to a panic attack. To have evidence that I was doing something everyday motivated me to watch myself and stay active. Square one: back to writing and documenting what I do.

Writing, as it has always been, was the best way for me  in staying inspired and honest. I have 100 days left until my ship date for boot camp. As I wrote in my first journal entry, complimentary to this post, “That’s 100 chances to keep going; that’s 100 more than enough.” I’m going to take each day at a time and focus on being the best I can be for just that day. I am going to put all my effort into living all the little moments, making the most of every opportunity, whether it’ll be seconds, minutes or a meet and greet stranger.

Background check. I grew up learning to do a lot of things on my own and for myself, because my parents were immigrants and didn’t always have the understanding in being fully Hmong and fully native to America. They, themselves, were still trying to make sense of America. People have admired me for my strength in always being able to get back up on my own. I had a good head on my shoulder. I was truly the independent gal. I knew what I wanted and whatever I wanted I found a way to get it. In many eyes, I was inspirational. I was referred to, from time to time, a perfectionist and a princess. Big expectations!

Quickly, I found myself always having to be the best at what I do. I job hopped a lot when I felt I was good at what I do. My pitch on my resume and in my interviews was “someone who is all about being effective and productive.” I was so good at it that I stopped aiming high because I knew I could always get it done, one way or another.

I became full of myself. I’m not exactly the conceited jerk you hate. I’m still very much humble  and considerate. I have always competed against myself and there seemed to be nothing more to compete against. That mentality lead me to slack off; I got too comfortable.

I’m asking myself again, all that fighting, was it just for this moment? Heck no! Oh hell naw! I hope not. My ambitions are still higher than that. I am not letting myself fall because of me.  I have worked too hard so it can’t end here. Because if it did, I obviously don’t give myself enough credit.

The journal I am using to document my 100 days challenge was from a friend who gave it to me for my 24th birthday. I’m going to keep track of all my meals, activities, thoughts, feelings, struggles and victories. This is my last effort for losing weight and it’s going to be a damn good one! Mark my words.  Might I add, I love this journal because it has quotes throughout, both biblical and unbiblical. The first one just happens to be this:

“What we feel, think, and do this moment influences both our present and the future in ways we never know. Begin. Start right where you are. Consider your possibilities and find inspiration…to add more meaning and zest to your life.” -Alexandra Stoddard

Start right where you are. You don’t need to be perfect nor strive for perfection. Forget all that crap. But, DO strive for excellence, being the best of you at whatever you do. Take it one step at a time. 1… 2… 3… Begin!

-meéxio